I hate traveling. Especially by plane.
Alas, I have to travel because I live on an island, and swimming or boating 1,000 miles would take too long. So I must get on planes every so often and suffer through what I feel *could* be less of a torture chamber if only it weren’t for … you guessed it: all the other people on the plane.
I like the aspect of “traveling” if you mean seeing new places, experiencing other cultures and food, and meeting different types of people. But shouldn’t that be called “sightseeing”, “adventuring” or “exploring”?
In any case, I do love seeing new places once I get there. It’s the getting there where I stumble. First, it’s the waiting that kills me: waiting for the flight to take off, waiting for the flight attendants to turn off the lights, for the food service to be over, for the seatbelt light to turn off – you get the point. Then, it’s the crying babies, the turbulence and my stomach bouncing up and down, the nausea, the anxiety, the worry diarrhea headache Imodium having to pee every five minutes drowsy insomnia … all these things add up and don’t make the trip worthwhile. Even the heart-stirring views of the Swiss Alps or Grand Canyon are not tempting if I have to get on a plane to see them.
I know people who love to travel and sleep on planes even while being kicked in the back by five-year-olds. These people either don’t have an anxiety disorder or take a lot of meds.
You already know I am an introvert since this website’s literal purpose is to be introspective. Therefore: not a fan of crowds. Especially unruly crowds and by “unruly” I do mean children.
For example, the last time I sat on a plane from Bangalore to London, a five-year-old sitting next to her two-year-old brother who was sitting next to their 30-something dad, kicked and punched my seat the entire flight. Why? Perhaps due to the two playing games on the screen attached to the seat in front of them – the same seat I was resting my head on and sitting in. After, oh say FIVE hours in, I started turning around and smiling to imply “Hey, I exist here in front of you. I am a human being, a very tired one”. I turned back around and tried once more to sleep.
KICK.
So once more I stand up and look back and politely say “Can you please stop punching my seat?” loud enough for the dad to hear me. He smiled at me and nodded.
Thirty seconds. PUNCH.
Nothing worked with this family. They either didn’t give a flying fuckle that I was going to get no sleep on my 35-hour (total) journey, or they didn’t realize the negative impact their kicking was having on my well-being and basic human rights. I am not a punching bag.
This episode led me to start thinking …
why don’t airlines provide etiquette guidelines for people on how to behave on a plane?
It’s not like we have a lot to do on a plane – we will pretty much read whatever the flight attendant hands us. We watch their safety videos, so why not throw in some basic human decency protocols while they’re at it? Or they could give a brief announcement, like “Hey remember that there is a person in front of you who may like to rest today!” It wouldn’t be difficult and could make the plane a smidge tolerable. It may even create a pleasant experience for some!
I am not the only flyer freaked out by passengers and their lack of common decency or self-awareness. There are others imploring airlines to take action:
@chelseahandlerCalling out all airlines to return flying to the dignified and pleasant experience it once was. Also- enough with making us pay for wifi each flight. It’s ridiculous. Just give everyone access to free wifi on a plane. You have it. Stop charging us for it.♬ original sound – Chelsea Handler
Confusion and ignorance – are we all to blame?
Many people are not frequent flyers and many more are not conscientious of others. Some simply don’t know how a plane works or how to be respectful when crammed together.
The first few times one flies can be overwhelming and confusing. People may ask, “Will I get a meal or only snacks? Do I have to pay extra for the beer? How does the
seat recline? Where is the barf bag? When sitting in the center seat: whose armrests are these anyway – mine, or the little old ladies on either side of me who claimed them both?!”
Because it is confusing and we are merely human and flying is stressful, it’s understandable how people may be less than courteous or even know they are being less than courteous.
Is there a better way?
Stress is rampant enough on planes and flight attendants are often the objects of air rage. Anything an airline can do to make people happier also could make their employees happier.
People are assholes, yes, but we may never know how many times a five-year-old kicked the back of someone’s seat on a 10-hour flight before they stood up and yelled they were going to jump out of the plane before being tackled by flight attendants and security guards and one very burly woman who sits on them until the emergency landing where they are hauled off to spend the rest of their life in prison. (No, that didn’t happen but it was my daydream while waiting for that flight to end.)
What nightmare flights have you experienced and what could the airline or people on your flight have done to make your flight more enjoyable?
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Etiquette:
-not bringing strong food smells on board (no escape for that!)
-use EarPods (I really don’t care to listen what you’re watching)
-exit by row (like really, if you don’t have a tight connecting flight chill. A few minutes don’t make a difference).
-don’t ask a smaller person than you to switch sits (the audacity of someone offering me his middle sit for my aisle one!)